aunt sally, please excuse me, my dear

i suspect the hand of pinko is behind this comment. if my aunt sally had a penis, than none of us would be here. aunt sally was originally uncle sal, but we didn't have an operation that started with a u. aunt sally was a kind, caring woman, who actually detested math. "why can't they shut up about me" she would say, as she ezra pounded her learned hands on her desk. sally thought school was a waste of time, except for nap time, which they eliminated after kindergarden. she was a closet communist, a bedroom democrat, and a porch independent. for the living room, she voted for purple curtains, but her decision was overturned by the supreme court. sally once attempted to overthrow the government, but sadly, her pass was right on target, which led to me losing my shirt, which i had purchased at the same target that her pass overthrew.

i remember quiet nights by quiet stars, as i played my guitar at aunt sally's. sally would yell "i can make better sounds out of my ass, you friggin shit kicker." ahh, if only she were still here. i can hear her now. "mellish, you arm chair anarchist, what infantile beliefs are you holding at this current time?" she could shoot you down with a glare that made you feel slightly shorter than your actual height. than you would realize that you weren't wearing shoes, and that her glare had actually had no impact on your height. but, by then, she already had you. you cried incest, but it was to know jerry a vale. to know know know him, is to love love love him, and i do, and i do, and i do.

sally drove a mustang. she used to drive it right up to the pickett lines. wilson was her favorite president, with harding a close second. she believed that everyone had a right to food, with the possible exception of her neighbor, who was a big fan of house music. she was jealous of him, because she rented her whole life. sally saved religiously. she had 47 bibles. she would wait up for god to come, often falling asleep on the sofa. she would wake up in a trance, but since she was a big booker ervin fan, this didn't bother her. she used to take walk around the neighborhood and wave at everyone. she would smile at everyone, those green teeth making quite an impression.

sally never married, because she felt that no man could equal karl marx, or her index finger, for that matter. aunt sal was a "tough cookie" and when they made her, they threw away the mold, but not before a couple of her cousins got food poisoning. sally liked to bake. her cookies with feces on the inside were sadly overlooked.

sally dreamed of better things, like a phone that worked, and her own clock radio. she was thrifty. she even saved her dreams. she used to tell me i was very wasteful when i would have a different dream two nights in a row. sally was from the "old school," as the new school hadn't been built when she was a student. she often corrected my english, but she would do it in yiddish, which wasn't much help to me. the birth of hitler made her pro abortion. she was for the death penalty until her friend was put to death. she then became a prison abolitionist, and once got lost on an underground railroad for escaped prisoners. sally was for gay marriage and against straight marriage. she was good on the race issue, and for a while, even subscribed to a running magazine.

sally left behind her life.

she was initially missed. then people got on with their meaningless lives, and she became just another picture on the mickey mantle.

poor sally...

like all of us, she never really had a shot.

just a six pack.