shoot is just shit with two o's in the middle

sometimes we call this shit we are in the rat race, but who is the last rat you heard of who dropped an atomic bomb on his fellow rats? it's the human race, my friend, or my enemy, or whomever may be reading. and why is it that the miles solo on bird's star eyes is flatter than a heroin addicts stomach? but yeah man, the rats got nothing on us. in fact, i think it's the end of the line for the human race; we should just let the other primates start running tests on us now to see if we can be of any help to them. they say we share 98.7% of our dna with chimps; maybe if they run some tests on us, they can cure chimp cancer. hey, you don't have to be nim chimpsky to realize that it might be worth a shot.

when did small pizzas become personal pizzas? man, these things are smaller than a castrated penis! and the price stayed the same. they think they are fooling us, but we know man. the price went up. if i get less for my buck, that's a price increase. i don't mean to stagger you, lee, or to alter your personality with this information, but i've got to call them as i see them.

from the library, i picked up the complete roost recordings of stan getz. i was almost too chicken to pick it up, but istan told me to cut the bul and stop acting like a jive turkey, so i went and grabbed it. getz once said that his one regret in life was that he had not been a better person, but who would want to spend their life at the casino? al cohn once said that his one regret in life was that he had not been a worse person, and zoot sims said that his two regrets in life were that he never met chuck person and had never played people.

woody allen's one regret in life is that he is not someone else. my one regret in life is that long pun featuring something else in an earlier blog. in fact, regrets, i've had a few, but then again, too few to mention. but of course, i just mentioned them. and the truth is, i didn't always see them through without exemption. what is this, a tax return? no, god damn it, i didn't make less than 8 grand last year, and my job was not seasonal. can i just not pay you?

did you ever notice that when the cost of food goes up, it still tastes the same?

they have collected all of woody's prose in one book. it's called "the insanity defense." cool title. like this country; guilty by virtue of insanity. sure, if we were sane, we wouldn't do a tenth of the shit we do. eric, fromm here to eternity they tell us that we live in a sane society, but i say it's all one big escape from freedom. has man a future? that is the question. only if it is a soybean future.

are any of my friends still alive?

mr. monroe, you have to realize that all of your friends have been dead for close to 200 years.

but they all ate organic rice!

especially anne and jerry. man, what a mickey mouse joke that was.

jesse jackson said that he would like to cut off obama's balls. i hope he puts him to sleep first. jackson was upset about how obama has been talking down to black people. he thinks obama should stop standing on a podium, and face his audience eye to eye. by the way, the boston banner, the local black paper, said that it took courage for obama to denigrate black men on father's day. i immediately cut the paper up. the thing is, i didn't realize there was a microphone on at the time, which caught the sound of the cutting, thereby giving mccain an edge.

stitt is blowing i can't give you anything but love, which was recently remade as i can't give you anything but a sexually transmitted disease. got to stay hip, you know. this is from an album that stitt made with the oscar peterson trio, which monk never heard, as he was in the bathroom the whole time.

which is probably where i should be.