a bridge over troubled waters

jimmy said it would be a raney day, but stan never getz it and always forgets his umbrella.

you are all diseased. meanwhile, i am in perfect health. playin with your head was a good show, but in general, i don't go in for public masturbation. to me, it makes more cents to go into an italian restaurant and order penne from heaven, as you drop a quarter into the juke box and play a herbie nichols record. harold comments that the tune is rather maude-lin, so you land a right cross and knock his moody ass right into st james infirmary.

i was reading a book today that said shaq is the greatest basketball player of all time. i nearly shit my pants. in fact, there i stood, broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted. wilt was number 2, and jordan 3. jordan in the 3 spot?? madness.

more sayings that are bothering me

if you think education is expensive, try ignorance. so does this mean that we should all just accept that college should cost 40,000 a year? and, for that matter, what do education and college have to do with each other? in any case let's extend this sentiment...if you think gas is expensive, try freezing. if you think food is expensive, try starving. see, it's fucking stupid, right?

i can't make up my mind. you don't have to, you already have one. so don't worry about it.

when you see a sign for a pizza special that says "special, 2 slices and a coke, 5 bucks." but, as you look closer, you see that each slice costs 2 bucks, and the soda costs a buck, adding up to the cost of the special. so, it turns out the special is rather normal. you tell the guy this, and he just shrugs his shoulders.

i read today that "obama and mccain are courting latino voters." now, isn't that gonna be a lot of fucking between now and november? i hate that, they are "courting voters." are they taking them out to dinner and a movie?

speaking of obama, he keeps repeating that blacks need to "be more responsible." what does he want them to do, admit that slavery was their fault? this appears to be a favorite saying of his, but only for blacks. he doesn't seem to feel that whites need to take any responsibility for anything, and he has yet to lecture asians, latinos, or natives on the topic. but, i can see it coming..."it is time the japanese acknowledged that they really interned themselves, despite fdr's pleadings that they should remain free." "those mexicans being killed as they attempt to cross the border need to work on their reflexes. they need to take responsibility for protecting themselves." "native peoples need to accept that their grinding poverty and historical oppression have nothing to do with their high alcohol and crime rates."

obama's forthcoming race speech..."in today's america, the most important race is the boston marathon, kenya believe it? we have come a long way. yes, i know some of you brothers out there continue to smother your popeyes chicken in olive oil, but together, we are making great strides. today, if any person of color, is degraded, beaten by police, unjustly imprisoned, denied health care, educated in poor schools, and crowded together in substandard housing, they must remember that this is completely of their own doing. today's america is totally removed from its ugly history. look at me; i am proof that a white kenyan can make it. so, my impoverished, malnourished, depressed, uneducated friends, what is your excuse to not be running for president? as that great one eyed jew once remarked, yes i can. that is what you all need to tell yourselves...yes i can. so, the landlord won't rent to you? just tell yourself "yes i can." you can't get a job? just tell yourself "yes i can." the police are beating you upside your head? just remind yourself that "yes i can." there is nothing holding you back, except money, connections, and the ignorance of a variety of powerful institutions. remember that this is 2008, which means that the solutions of 2007 no longer apply. what would a job training program do if the father in the program still doesn't name his child after someone in the bible? don't blame the corporations for polluting while you throw your trash out of windows, and don't complain about police brutality while you continue to use double negatives and wear baggy pants. the problem of today, my friend, is not war, but rather, that of dread locks and do rags. you are raising children who idolize tupac but have never heard of warren g. harding, and you wonder why you are struggling to put food on the table. my foolish friends, i know you will vote for me, so hang in there with me, as i continue to berate you in public in order to satisfy the bigots of america in the hopes of getting elected. and jesse jackson, lick my balls."