and don't forget her uncle, uncle thomas payne.

he was a man of great common sense. but, alas, i am not, or i wouldn't be sitting in a library typing this after a 10 hour day.

the women of jet aren't bad, but you ought to see the ladies in helicopter. they are plane out of sight.

just realized that it is jordin sparks, not jordan sparks. thought you should know. sadly, that change in spelling will not improve the music.

next topic on american idol? great themes from the world of pornography, featuring such classics as "love for sale," "i've got you under my skin," "too close," and "i want to get freaky with you." guest appearances by r. kelly and michael jackson, who will perform "beat it" and then beat it live before a studio audience.

randy will say "yo, listen dog, you are a dog! once again, you have shown you are the king of pop, now pop that sucker back into your pants. i liked it dude, but i thought that last scream was a little pitchy. you didn't need that. just end it with class, you know? plus, i thought it dragged a little toward the middle. you could have had a little more energy, but i liked it man, i liked it. good job."

paula: "michael, first of all you look great, just like a ghost, dog, like a dead man. michael jack off, you are the king. james only wishes he had a brown thing like yours. you are a star. this will go down as the show where you really bared your soul to america, and showed what you are about. and you can hear the girls, they love you, because it came from your heart. keep stroking from your heart, stay pure. beautiful job."

simon : "i must say, i thought it was a small performance. i am not in paradise right now. michael, you are a stranger to me. each week, you come up with something different. you just don't have enough juice for me. that, in short, was pure dread, and i can not critique it enough. it was like dancing with the devil in church while the pastor leads the congregation in a version of amazing grace. it was as if one were reading war and peace in german while going through a heroin withdrawal. in bobby short, it was akin to being raped by a gang of wolves while neil sedaka plays in the background. you must do better, or you will be off this show for good."

and so, it has come to this; an idle american blogging about american idol. and the sparks have not flown. i am merely aiken for attention as i stand before you on feet of clay and contemplate a jump into the hudson river. in the end, i will likely dolittle to change my situation, but i refuse to locke up my imagination. hence, fantasia's persist, as i rue through the bin that is my mind, and carrie on amongst the hicks who will never be taylor made for my sanity.

yo, listen up dogg,

i'm done.