on shit

completely forgot about the parent open house from my gig this saturday. i think it was my buried true self, blasting my body with the feeling that "it's all bullshit." of course, there were parents waiting to talk to me. what is there to say? i feel like saying "get your fuckin kids out of this program. let them enjoy the wonder of leisure. if you want to, talk to them, go out there and throw it and catch it with them. let them be themselves. realize before it is too late that school is just another form of senseless structure." none of this came out. instead, i repeated the tired lies.

n told me he would like to "rock my world" today in school. later, out of the corner of my eye, i saw him dancing in my direction, shaking his hips in a shakira like manner. later still, he pounded his fists against the desk and shouted that "he was fucking moving!" at this point, i suggested that he go speak to a social worker. i, of course, will not be able to verbally harrass anyone anytime soon. ah, the injustice of it all.

later still in the day i learned that a student tried to commit suicide today. perhaps it was a racist who just found out that the lead singer for hootie and the blowfish is black. the surprise to me is that more people don't try to kill themselves. out of uniform, that is.

five years and counting on the war in iraq. i repeat that the american soldier is not a hero but rather, a misguided fool, a criminal, a murderer. fuck him. alot of them feel bad? well, no one forced them to sign up either. unlike the average german, they had a choice. of course, the big criminals are the corporate fucks and the politicians, but all who have contributed to this conquest deserve blame. it is nothing less than a crime committed against innocents by the most powerful society on the face of the earth. think about that the next time someone belts out a 10 minute version of the star spangled banner, bruce, and you are debating whether you should stand or not.

it is coming. that feeling of dread, that sense of detachment. you can't deny it, you can't fight it. it is what it is. it envelops you, owns you. yes, it is that feeling that we are swimming, no drowning, in a sea of bullshit. and yet, we are too busy paying the gas bill to change our direction. and this one gets free weekend minutes, and this one emails on the train and that one takes a trip to the west indies. all the while, the bullshit piles up thousands of feet into the air, and we hold our noses, grit our teeth, try to catch our breath and we pretend that this is how it should be. the dumber among us think it smells good. they don't even notice anything is wrong. they debate who should win american idol and bitch about oil prices and plan yet another vacation and go to the mall and eat at tgif's. the ignorant, and the indifferent, the cynical and the defeated, all march together, an army of accomplices, alienated assholes. and we reap the results. bad culture, worse wars, poisoned food, contaminated water, poverty, music fit for the mentally depraved and deprived.

hope was the thing with feathers.

and it flew away a long time ago.