Wednesday, October 3, 2007

life is a horace race


the war in iraq is costing 720 million dollars a day. this makes me feel better about my 1,100 dollar a month rent. i say this about the war with a feeling that barnes and nobles on outrage. a borders sentiment, you say? of course, you say potato and i say potato, so lets call the whole thing a freedom fry.
i am blogging from my parents place today, a first that lou costello is on. it's a dr. strange feeling that is making me feel like i am in dc. you may marvel at this but...wait a second, i just saw a spider, man!
there is no place like larry holmes in the whole worker's world. do you iac what i'm talkin about, my bro from another computer screen? if you find my shit on target, target is having a sayles on all toilets, so, if you need a john, be sure to grab one for your casa. i knew i shouldn't have touched that wine, i just should have drank it, or is it drunk it? the red sox play today. the sox seem to have all the fun. maybe this is because they don't live in the hood? perhaps if they put a sock in it, things will chill out.
questions...if i find my true self, can i still be who i am currently? if i find inner harmony, will the cluster bombs paid for by my (your) tax dollars stop falling? if i recycle, will global warming stop? if i don't drive, will we still bomb iran? if i do the walk for hunger, will starvation cease? if i tolerate others, will police brutality stop? we are trapped in our meaningless existences, but reality does indeed have meaning. the deciders are somewhere else, and we are left with our jobs, our bills, our weekly viewings of the office, our blogs, our letters to our congresspeople (viva feminism!!) and the crushing knowledge that none of it matters. is that hilarious? does that tell you "who i am?"
who am i? i am a man, horace mann. life is a horace race, and i'm tryin to get my hands on some grants like horace. you may call me a steve kerr for writing this, but don't dog me. i'm just reaching for air jordan, trying to get through another doris day by day i'm fallin more in love with you and day by day my love seems to grow their isn't any end to my devotion it's deeper dear by far than any billy ocean. cry me a joan rivers and get out of my dreams and into my vikki carr collection. you can mexican dish it out but you can't gerald afford to take it because you might get busted.
just finished a fascinating book about little anthony and the imperialists that argued that the fats domino effect is the key to understanding the rock and roll and r and b of the 50's and 60's. the theory was that if fats domino fell, the dominos would fall, causing jackie wilson to cry lonely teardrops. this would lead to an imperial grab by, among others, little anthony, chubby checker, little richard, little milton, little willie john, big joe turner, fats navarro, and fats waller, hence angering duke ellington, count basie, count dracula, count basic,the first lady of song, the first man of shlong, the godfather of soul, the queen of soul, and the queen of the blues. this power grab led to the looting of small's paradise by tiny grimes. quite a text if you get my message. i don't own a cell phone, and if i did i would sell it. all life is made up of cells, so is a cell phone a living thing? maybe that's why (i love you so) it has minutes. this whole thing strikes me as phony, but i don't have the 4 balls to walk away from it all. but, i guess we NEED cell phones,because "what if there is an emergency?" what kind of emergency, like stopping the war, or ending racism? yes, and we NEED ipods, we are like two peas in an eyepod, and we each NEED OUR OWN COMPUTER, OUR OWN CAR, OUR OWN BIG SCREEN TV, OUR OWN CABLE. We NEED two jobs to pay for this shit, but so what? keep driving 20 miles to work every day, even though you are kind of blue. don't give up that car, and take the coltrane. no, you OWN that car, it YOURS, not vikki's. you drive it, not tiger woods. it's natural that you own it. you are a winner and don't get the impressions that i'm attacking you, for you are movin on up, and people better get ready for you, for you are a woman who has soul and it's all right. you may just be tops in your field, mayfield, so smile even though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking. the chaplin will make you feel better. all will be forgiven, it only takes 10 percent of your earnings.
that's all. that's all. there are those i am dinah shore who have told you they would give you the world for a toy, but they were playing with you. life is not a game, and you have to be game to make sure you don't get played. i'm played out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Chairman is killin'! Watch out philistines, you might get hurt. I haven't laughed this hard since yesterday after reading the post on this raucous blog. The beast from the east is loose.