on a constant feeling of desperation

i almost voted for obama. i got half way to the polling station, but at the last second, i crossed the street. it wasn't really a decision driven by mentality. it was deeper...my body literally removed me from the abomination before it came to be. but, i almost understand how i nearly voted. it was a feeling born of desperation, a voice which whispered to me "well, he is better than hillary." but, i would have felt guilty if i went through with it. i would have been that guy driving through the poor part of town, looking for a good price on a piece of ass. the feeling of shame would have over rode any good that could come of it. for when obama dropped the first obama on iran, my vote for him would have brought me a little closer to the genocide. yes, perhaps he is a little better than the others, but bill clinton was a little better than bush, and what does that knowledge do for the bodies buried under the bombardments he orchestrated? the dead of serbia aren't walking around saying "well, at least he dug joe henderson."

there is no choice left that a decent man would elect to choose from. in the end, i didn't want the feeling that i was swimming in a sea of shit, just to keep from drowning in a dirtier location. so, i will likely do as i always do. i will vote for someone who has no chance to win, just like none of us have a chance to win. it is not worth your conscience to be part of the crowd. i can't even speak these thoughts out loud. people ask if i voted. i want to say "you know, hitler was elected" but it wouldn't register. better to fake it. and yet, it isn't.

school goes on. kids learn about the holocaust, they are taught to divert their tears to the deaths caused by far off demons, while the destruction caused by their so called democratic leaders is ignored.

and somone tries out for american idol by singing "freedom."

we don't even know the meaning of the word. the last freedom left seems to be the "freedom to act like an asshole," which, as i recall, was not a part of the first amendment. but, then again, the founding fathers were a bunch of no good fuckers too. beware the fool who attempts to tell you that we need to get back to some glorious past when people had rights. there was even a book called "the end of america."

yes, but when did it begin? america as a construct of liberty and freedom has been a farce from the get go. only by ignoring the plethora of brutality that is the american past and present, can we be pleased with the place we are in.

we are fucked far more than we know.

so america, here's to hoping you drop the obama on us.

perhaps, he will practice genocide with a small g.