crap

mc, the history teacher, actually referred to the "great confederate flag" yesterday. the students were either too dumb or too indifferent to care.

j talked about joining the army after he gets out of school. he thinks they "could make a man out of him." i told him i'm not much of a man. "actually, i'm kind of a punk" was the exact way i put it. the other aide mentioned a couple guys he knows who joined the service and are now making 70,000 to 80,000 grand a year. i guess he doesn't know anyone who got their face blown off, or anyone who has blown someone else's face off. and we wonder where the good germans were. probably in the army. but, at least they didn't choose it. i was gonna say "you should see the ground truth." maybe back when i still cared i would have. now, it's like hey, if some ignorant fuck head wants to get himself trapped in a pile of deep shit, that's his choice. the door to the library is wide open, and the computers are filled with hard truths, but some people still want to be men. fuck them.

k broke down yesterday because she found out that someone she thought was her friend has been making fun of her on my space. for a second there i thought that she was being compassionate for the sick and suffering throughout the world. just joking. we are always crying about the wrong things. the story of mankind...miss placed compassion. we care about the wrong things, we are angry at the wrong people, we live the wrong lives. my space? high tech masterbation. at least the old kind was enjoyable. they used to say that the old kind blinded you, an old superstition. the new kind actually can hurt your eyes. and people suck too. i don't care how much promise a medium has, people will find a way to twist it into something terrible. and, they will always find a way to insult each other. he said she said. in the end, most of us are little kids, taking joy in the sadness of others, hurting them because we can, not because we should.

you want to tell them that none of it matters, but that is hard to do while the tears are flowing. i suppose it is better for tears to fall than bombs. but, in our culture, you can be sure that both will continue to fall.

j (not the same j) refuses to admit that he goes out with a girl that he has been going out with for close to 3 years. not only that, but he insults her, makes fun of her, verbally abuses her. we are always obsessed with how we are perceived, and how we perceive ourselves. j probably sees himself romancing some hotty from a hip hop video, and can't stomach the reality that is his to attain. fantasy isn't so bad, but not when it means making another miserable. if she is good enough to kiss, she is good enough for people to know that you are kissing her, herr. (the jerks last name) by the time we learn, we are out of time.

remember your humanity, and forget the rest.

k is back. got to love the bounce back.

mc is a prick, but i do like it when he goes "here are some more notes that you'll never look at." name me one thing that tops cynicism?

i wish i wanted to go to the boys basketball game here at the school. it would be nice to have spirit, to join in, to be social. but then, i guess i would be somebody else, and that wouldn't be nice at all.

everybody is going wild about this election. am i missing something? who, with any chance to win, ever gets at the root of the disaster? who among them tells the truth? who stands against the war machine? again, if we are going to jerk off, can we at least have a pay off? yet again, i will back someone who won't win, sort of like rooting for the nets.

when will we ever learn?

the flowers are gone...

and everything else.

sometimes, it seems, that only crap remains.

hence, the title of this blog.

ps...but i did just get a really good johnny griffin record.

i guess i'll get up tomorrow and try again after all.